on being intentional… {+ a free printable}

by Sherri Sylvester | Sep 8, 2014

So, I’m still here! I am never quite sure if you miss me or not, since I know a lot of you follow many, many multiples of blogs across the interweb! As I said at the beginning of my last post, the past couple of weeks have been life changing – literally. I am exhausted, worn out and emotionally drained. So, I’m writing about it today and attempting to begin the fall season with a fresh perspective.

For the past few years the phrase “be intentional” has been floating around in my head. It sounds great and has come up in many conversations (mostly when I’m beating myself up for not being intentional!) I always talk about how great it would be to be intentional – to think about what is going on around me instead of always fighting fires or competing the most urgent task of the minute. But, in the end, it’s mostly talk – and I go back to my fires and my to do list, always feeling guilty when it isn’t finished… and forgetting to remember that it was me who added all of those “importantly urgent” (not really) and “must do, right away!” (nope…) things in the first place.

My brain doesn’t remember that I can’t finish all of those things and it forgets that they weren’t likely all that necessary in the first place. Because – when it’s an idea, it’s great and must be done – right? (Wrong!) Problem is, all of those urgent and so important things tend to drown out the really and actually important things going on around me. I’m just too busy to notice because those other things are quiet, they’re not calling for attention or asking for my time – at least not loud enough that I pay them much attention. I haven’t created space to have time to think about them.

It’s been really tough, now that both of my kids are in school – to actually face the space between drop-off and pick-up. It’s almost scary to me that I don’t have to fight any fires or constantly keep a little one busy and out of trouble/danger or the fridge! The busyness kept me going – now I have to think more about what I’m going to do with my day. Yes, of course there are appointments and to do lists, but I have more control over my time. I have to be intentional or I will just float through the next few years, look back and wonder where they have gone. Wonder why I didn’t do something useful with them. It’s forcing me to slow down.

The last four days especially have been super emotional. My purpose has changed and I don’t know what it is quite yet, so I feel a bit lost. I have things to do, but I feel there is a space now – a place that I need to sort out and fill up with “whatever it is” I am supposed to do with my life. I know my kids still need me in many ways – but with them both in school full-time, they are getting less dependant and I’m forced to sort it out. I’ve been home most of the last almost-7 years. And most of the almost-7 years I’ve fought with myself for “more time”. More space to create the never-ending ideas in my head, more space to spend doing the things I love to do. I’ve worked every evening for so long I almost don’t know what to do if I don’t have work after the kid’s bedtime. I have run out of energy – quite literally, and this past week my body decided it was time to stop. This post is not a big announcement, I just have a lingering cold – but I feel so tired… weary even, emotionally drained.

So… that is why I only blogged once last week. And, why I have decided to start talking about Being Intentional. I feel like I need a chart or a 10 step program or a clean house to begin. When I was younger I even got my family to wait for me Christmas morning while I showered and cleaned my room in anticipation of gifts that “might get lost in the mess” if I didn’t clean up. This time I’m going to ignore all of my organizational wants and start anyhow. I want to do realistic things with purpose. To finish each day happy with what I have done and not guilty that I didn’t finish my list. I want to take time to try to recognize what is really important – and choose to change course – cross things off my list that don’t matter and recognize that I will never be able to finish everything I dream up.

My husband graciously agreed to draw up part of the artwork for a “Be Intentional” printable, and I hope he doesn’t mind what I did with it! Since I’m putting a copy up on our fridge, I thought it would be fun to offer it to you all as a free printable – just in case you would like to print one out for yourself. I hope it inspires you. Click on the poster or this text to download the printable pdf – it has two pages in it, one with a white background and one as a chalkboard image, so you can choose which one you’d like.

Even as I write this I’m worried I will fail – which I’m sure I will – and multiple times at that! It’s even scarier knowing you are reading this. Not because I mind that you know, but because that is a lot of pressure! But, in the name of being realistic, that’s going to have to be ok. And thank you for reminding me to slow down whenever I sound like I’m letting it get out of hand again. I can take it, ready… set… GO!